My husband and I have decided to divorce and I am very happy.  Our marriage was miserable from the start.  I have found an apartment and will be moving in on June 1st.  As soon as we sell our home I will have some money to reestablish my credit as it has been literally ruined since we married eight years ago.  I am so looking forward to not supporting a man who doesn't want to work, doesn't want to pick up the house, doesn't want to take any responsibility for being the head of the household. 

I just read what I just wrote and it sounds very angry, but I guess that's what I am.  My Christmas last year was devastating because he didn't want to work.  I cried and cried.  I still remember the time when we were ministering at a union gospel mission in Memphis and he was a pastor.  He took the ministry van and went to pornography places.  He was caught twice.  As a minister's wife I was absolutely devastated.  On our honeymoon he started telling me how bad his ex-wife treated him...on our HONEYMOON. Throughout the marriage he brought her into our lives, sometimes calling me by her name for hours when I did something that reminded him of her.  He was so controlling.  Twice I had to get out of the car when we were stopped at a red light because I had to be somewhere and he would tell me I wasn't going to go there.  He controlled our finances and always had to spend everything as soon as he had the money.  He could never get the concept of saving money for a rainy day.  I never could go into a room without him following me and hounding me if I needed to get out of the room for awhile during arguments.  He never would let me have peace.  I'm so tired.  And very happy to be getting out of this situation.

I have made mistakes, too, in the marriage.  Divorce is always a two way street.  We got married only after dating for eight months.  I have learned to get to know someone for a lot longer than that before having a relationship with him.

Today's journal is somber but I am looking forward to a happier future.