Things are going better than earlier this week.  I had to take some time off work due to my disability and will be going back Sunday.  I'm going to spend the rest of the week getting some rest and cleaning and organizing my apartment.  It will be nice to get things the way I like them so that when I come home I actually feel at home.

The weather has just been gorgeous.    It rains when we need rain and when we don't it just is wonderful.  I love July weather.

Tonight I hope I sleep all night long...last night was awful.  I didn't have any medication which I usually have every night.  I have it partially now and in a few days I will have everything to get back to normal again.

Ta-ta for now!

I have been in my apartment almost all week and I actually have not become lonely.  I have been keeping myself active and when I need to rest I rest.  Today and tomorrow are my days off and I am enjoying the time.  I really thought I would not feel safe, not sleep at all, and be scared, which is usually the case when I am on my own.  However I feel very safe and comfortable and I am sleeping pretty well considering everything that is going on.

My job is going well.  I enjoy my job very much although it can get alittle mundane, although every call can every once in awhile be an adventure.

I feel very good about myself and the decision that I made.  I'll be glad when I can get my finances in some semblance of order, which I know I will be able to do however it will take some time.

Ta-ta for now....

I was supposed to have moved yesterday however my friend with the truck had a family engagement so we're doing it tonight.  I am looking forward to being in my own place again.  I signed the lease yesterday and I have the keys.  I put on my air conditioner and left.  It should be nice and cool when we go in tonight to move my stuff in.

I volunteered to work extra hours today, not knowing that I this would be my moving day.  I woke up around 3:30am and putzed around the computer for about an hour until I got tired again, so I am very tired right now.  After I get off, which will be at 5:00 I will be able to move.

Just a note while I finish packing.  Ta-Ta for now....

Well, I guess Taylor Hicks is old news now and we must move on. 

We are having a garage sale tomorrow and Sunday and we have a lot of furniture to sell.  I am looking forward to having the money.

I am moving out of the house next Friday and I am looking forward to it.  It has been awhile since I was on my own and am planning things to do so I don't get too lonely.  As soon as I can get $300.00 for a pet deposit I will be able to bring our Chihuahua, Brutis, home and he will be good company.  I am also planning on joining our local community center to start getting some exercise.  There is also a lake right around the corner from where I will live and it will be good for me and fun for Brutis to walk around.  I also am planning to volunteer somewhere once a week and rejoin church again.  All this I will do slowly and gradually so I don't get overwhelmed but I am determined to have goals and succeed in those goals.

Well, it's my bedtime.  I have a long few days ahead of me.  Ta-ta for now....

Taylor Hicks won.....

Woo Hoo!!!

Ta-Ta for now....

Taylor Hicks has got to win this competition because he was great especially that second song.  Yet Katherine totally nailed Somewhere Over the Rainbow and I hope she records that song someday.  Taylor has it all.  Elliot is excellent however I don't think he'll be in the top two.  Katherine isn't consistent and Elliot is, though, so who knows what will happen.  All I know is Taylor is a shoe-in.

I am excited to being moving back on my own again.  I will be able to monitor my money and not be going in the hole again because Bob does not want to cut down on bills.  I am scared, though, and am now looking for ways for me not to get lonely.  I will be taking Brutis, our Chihuahua, with me and he will help alot.  I am looking forward to stashing money away in a savings account and maybe alittle into a long-term CD.  I'm alittle afraid of mutual funds because I don't know much about them and they seem to me to be alittle risky.

The Spring weather is just making me feel so good, even on bad days.  The sun is out and it is warm and the flowers and the birds are out.  This is the season I thrive in.

Ta-ta for now...

My husband and I have decided to divorce and I am very happy.  Our marriage was miserable from the start.  I have found an apartment and will be moving in on June 1st.  As soon as we sell our home I will have some money to reestablish my credit as it has been literally ruined since we married eight years ago.  I am so looking forward to not supporting a man who doesn't want to work, doesn't want to pick up the house, doesn't want to take any responsibility for being the head of the household. 

I just read what I just wrote and it sounds very angry, but I guess that's what I am.  My Christmas last year was devastating because he didn't want to work.  I cried and cried.  I still remember the time when we were ministering at a union gospel mission in Memphis and he was a pastor.  He took the ministry van and went to pornography places.  He was caught twice.  As a minister's wife I was absolutely devastated.  On our honeymoon he started telling me how bad his ex-wife treated him...on our HONEYMOON. Throughout the marriage he brought her into our lives, sometimes calling me by her name for hours when I did something that reminded him of her.  He was so controlling.  Twice I had to get out of the car when we were stopped at a red light because I had to be somewhere and he would tell me I wasn't going to go there.  He controlled our finances and always had to spend everything as soon as he had the money.  He could never get the concept of saving money for a rainy day.  I never could go into a room without him following me and hounding me if I needed to get out of the room for awhile during arguments.  He never would let me have peace.  I'm so tired.  And very happy to be getting out of this situation.

I have made mistakes, too, in the marriage.  Divorce is always a two way street.  We got married only after dating for eight months.  I have learned to get to know someone for a lot longer than that before having a relationship with him.

Today's journal is somber but I am looking forward to a happier future.

Well, today was very tiring.  I was in class half of my day yet I finally became a CSR II which gives me more pay and little clout.  I can pay some of the claims we receive.  But it's something different and I really do like my job.

One of my friends whom I have known for a good six years got mad at me on the phone for asking her to call only a few times a week.  She calls me every single day, which she has done periodically through the years, however I finally got the guts to set boundaries. I'm not very good at it and it gets so irritating that I sometimes don't answer the phone when I know it's her.  She really is a very good person and she is full-blood Italian which makes her lively.  Yet all she lives is her mental illness.  She's bipolar so she has her ups and downs and she lives on disability.  There's nothing wrong with that because mental illnesses are real illnesses and they can be very disabling but that is all she lives, breaths, eats, drinks, and talks about.  I don't want to lose her for a friend and I said it as gently as I could with as much respect as I could muster.  I even thought about it and talked with others about what I should do and how I should do it.  I'm afraid she won't want to be my friend anymore and I truly do value her as my friend.

Now you've heard my woeful story...woe is me.

Ta-ta for now...

It is really early but it's just one of those nights...or mornings I should say.  It seems this is the best time to write in this journal.  Everything is quiet and everyone else is asleep. 

I was surprised to see big snow flakes coming down a few days ago.  The day before this weather it was 80 degrees.  Only in Colorado.

My husband just got on with a couple of travel companies and it couldn't come any sooner.  I couldn't believe the wages these companies pay.  My husband made $15.00 an hour just escorting people from their airplane to a van to take them to their hotel.  $15.00!  And he just signed on with another company adn right after his interview they booked him on his first tour as a tour guide at $17.00 an hour.  This tour will be in May.  People from England are coming to tour Denver and Rocky Mountain National Park.  I am so proud of him.  He has really struggled with obtaining work and this tour guide and international tour manager school he went to is really paying off.

I got my raise at work and it will be nice to see the difference in my paycheck.  On May 1st I will be train to be a CSR II which will give me $.50 more an hour.  I like the company I work for because the job is fun, I work in a great environment, and there is always opportunity to move up in the company.  The bene's are great and the people I work with is a wonderful group.

Well, I guess I'll see if I can get some more sleep.  Ta-Ta for now...!

I had a horrible day yesterday.  I was parking my car next to a really big truck and I should have known the space was too small.  I ran into the front corner of the truck and dented the passenger side of my new car.  The truck didn't have even a small scratch on it.  That is what started my morning.

I have been having carpel tunnel issues with my right hand and the place where I work hasn't acknowledged it yet.  I sat at a desk that was ergonomically set up for another person and it was horrible.  I couldn't write and type because of the way it was set up;  it was meant just for her, not for me. 

I am so tired all the time.  I am going to get a physical from my doctor.  I changed my schedule so that I come in later in the morning instead of 5:30am so I could get more sleep.  It is not working.  I hope this is just because I'm overweight and not because I have a medical issue.

God has been so faithful to me.  I had basically abandoned him for a long while.  I honestly don't know why.  Maybe because it seemed easier.  I didn't have to find time for Bible reading or praying.  I could just ignore him.  But you know what....I never forgot him.  And he always reminded me he was there.  He never left me.  I am now praying, and not just for things.  I pray that I can learn from others how to be a better person.  I pray that God will use me for His glory and not mine.  I pray that I will allow him to help me figure out how to put my life in some semblance of order, because my whole life seems out of control.  I love Him so much.  He never abandoned me when I did that to him.

Well, it's early.  I'm going to go enjoy a pop and then see if I can get some more sleep before work.   Ta-ta for now.....